It’s summer, so let’s have some fun this week and next with Stand Up Comedy (If I can do it, so can you!). This week and next, I will share my stand up comedy routines that I did at the last two Annual Humor Mill Toastmasters Stand Up Comedy Nights (11/2011 and 01/2013).
Below is the video (5:40) and a rough transcript. It’s a rough transcript because I didn’t write out everything and after I wrote it, I practiced it in an ad-lib way. In fact the line “and I won’t talk about vibrate mode” was not one I had planned nor had I practiced–it was inspired by the moment. You will note that the routine has been somewhat customized to a Toastmasters audience, and that I actually mention some audience members. Oh, since the video, I’ve upgraded iPhones twice. Now I have an iPhone 5. I love it even more.
Rough Transcript Draft:
Do you know what the best time is to tell your spouse some really bad news? In a roomful of Toastmasters!
Sorry honey, but I have a new love.
- He never forgets a birthday.
- I can talk to him all I want and he never interrupts
- He’s the last thing I look at before I go to bed and the first think I look at when I wake up.
Yes, I’m talking about my new iPhone. Just got it last week
Before my iPhone, my idea of a fun evening was to go out to a movie with friends. Now, I don’t need to leave the house. I have streaming Netflix and 551 Facebook Friends. And unlike my husband, in the middle of a movie, my iPhone never says “I was just resting my eyes.”
And all the applications—there are a bazillion applications. (demonstrate)
Ever want to liven up a boring meeting? ifart
Ever the designated driver? ibeer
Need a quick Halloween costume? Mouthoff
Ever wonder what you’d look like with a few extra pounds? Fatbooth
This picture is my new diet plan—I stare at it . . . until I lose my appetite.
Sometimes I look at this picture and a little voice inside my head tells me . . . “go for it.”
Ever tell a joke and nobody laughed? Laughs
Ever wonder what other people’s fantasies are? This is a cool app—FantasizeME. Just take a picture of the person and their fantasy self is displayed. Do you want to see the one I took of Faye? This is her inner desire to be a Vampire Princess in the next Twilight Movie.
I can’t stop myself. All these applications.
I’m beginning to think I’m an app-a-holoic. I need a 12-step program. Wait, I think there’s an app for that!